Saturday, February 14, 2015

Ahoy! Language Lessons

Learning a foreign language has never come easy for me. I tried, with a bit of effort, to learn Spanish and Portuguese. When I actually put effort into studying them, my reading and writing abilities were average. My listening abilities were pretty mediocre too.

A photo posted by Megan Looney (@meganlooney05) on

Oh and my speaking proficiency? That fell into a completely different category. It was awful. Why? Easy answer. Mostly because I loathe speaking another language.

Whether in the past or in the present, my perfectionistic side speaks loudly and criticizes my abilities when I make an attempt to utter a word or phrase.

I'm transported back to my freshman year in college. My Spanish professor only spoke Spanish. Shocker I know; but from what I recall he refused to speak any English. I'd use the most strategic means I could think of to evade answering his questions. Avoid any and all eye contact with him. Shockingly, that strategy didn't work and he'd call on me. Even when I would ask in Spanish for help with a particular word or phrase, "¿Cómo se dice____?" He'd refuse. Now I'm not saying having high expectations aren't appropriate for students or that I disagree with the belief that "we learn best when we're outside our comfort zone" but I was in agony. I wanted to slide down off my navy blue college desk/chair combo onto the floor and cower under my desk until this moment in the spotlight vanished. Needless to say my frustration and anxiety caused me to drop that class and Spanish.

Moving to the Czech Republic, I know I need to learn Czech for a few reasons.

First the practical. I've read it's helpful. As in most countries, some people speak English and others don't. Also, as in most countries, people there appreciate it when someone puts forth an effort to try and speak the local language. Both of these are shocking statements I know. Please sense the sarcasm.

The second reason? It's personal. No more excuses. No more hiding behind sweaty palms and a frozen tongue. I'm determine to learn Czech.

Since I was bound and stupid determined, I began to research some options. I wanted to find something that would play to my strengths, by choosing a program that included visuals while at the same time providing me the needed listening and speaking practice I loathed needed.

So this week, as I rode in the car to and from school, I started studying.  This morning while out to breakfast with a friend, she asked me what phrases I knew. This impromptu quiz brought out those feelings of not being good enough or smart enough (insert Stuart Smalley mirror image here) but I told her the phrases I did remember. They were fewer than yesterday but still some stuck. And much more importantly, I said them aloud to someone other than my driver, who doesn't speak English, who hears me practicing all the time.

So "Ahoy" or "hello" to this new learning and starting to let go of the past.

Sunday, February 8, 2015

India's Coming Full Circle

The day I left for India
Life is coming full circle for me in India.

When I arrived about 3 and a half years ago, my right leg landed encased inside a boot. An ankle sprain caused by stepping into a tiny hole while wearing cute red patent leather wedges on an after dinner walk in Chicago with my family.

My arrival to India is held in my mind like hands wrapped around warm cup of tea. Many of the memories warm me mentally on cooler Mumbai mornings. Around the inside walls of the teacup though, there are ankle sprain stains. Memories of being "trapped" inside during monsoon season. Avoiding slippery sidewalks. Avoiding puddles. Memories of frustration caused by trying to be patient with my healing body while my soul wanted to go out and explore.

Flash forward to a week ago, Friday. Change the setting to school and a quick bathroom stop on my way to a classroom A combination of a wet floor and lack of signage warning me of said wet floor caused a new sprain. This time, my left ankle.

Friday on my way to school, ankle brace and all
As I sat nursing my ankle with an ice pack, a colleague I'm close to said, "India's come full circle. You're going out how you came in." I laughed. It was true but this was not in the way I'd hoped. 

I want to spent my last months in India exploring and embracing and being trapped inside my apartment again wouldn't allow for this. After this sprain, I again shut myself in and was a "good girl" who rested at home and didn't go out for a friend's birthday or errands or exploring. Those stains from 3.5 years ago came back. I had friends who came over and others who checked on me which helped as well as lots of reminders that I was "doing the right thing" from friends and family and a physical therapist.

Late last week though, I was reminded less of the stains and more of warmth. 

I was reminded that when the sun did emerge during monsoon when I first moved here, so did I. I explored my new neighborhood by leaning out of rickshaws. I met friends for Bollywood movies and even visited the Gateway of India on Independence Day. I was able to get out. Just not as often and frequently or necessarily when I wanted. 

Gateway, me and my boot

This time, small things like a visit to the framer, running several errands and a weekend where I wrapped my hands around a cup of tea while talking with friends brought the feelings of freedom. Despite the annoyances that come along with physical injury, I was reminded that in the grand scheme, it's going to be okay.

There will be more days of soreness. There will be days I feel trapped.There will be days that physical therapy will take priority over a dinner with friends. These won't be my only memories though. The circle's not quite closed and there's still lots of time and ways to keep filling up my cup.