Heartbreak Has Somehow Made Me Into a Runner

Somehow over the past six weeks, I've become a runner. When I say become a runner, I mean I run three times a week because that's what my Couch to 5K running app says I should do. Today I completed training week six. Today hurt. My calves were cramped. My thighs felt like jelly each time my foot struck the treadmill. Regardless of the discomfort, I was determined to complete week six.

My running commitment stems from wanting to put a bad breakup behind me. Last time I was training for a 5K race, my heart was broken. This heartbreak shredded my desire to run. At the time, I couldn't do much at all, let alone run.

As athletes know, actually let me change that, everyone who's breathing understands, our heads can be our highest obstacle to overcome. Not the blisters. Not the thigh chafing, but our minds. Grief. Depression. Anxiety. Worries. Doubt. Fear. To name a few capitalized hurdles, move into our paths.

When I started running again six weeks ago, I knew it would be challenging. This week was the most challenging so far for a couple of reasons. The first is obvious. There are just longer periods of time you have to run. The second was my mind. The last time I trained for a 5K, I quit after week five because that's when my heart was broken.

I procrastinated in actually going to the YMCA to complete today's session, but eventually, I was in the car and on my way there. As I walked into the fitness room, I followed my usual routine. Over the years I've noticed following routines help me to feel at peace. Having this calm headspace would prepare me for today's longer distance. Thus, my headphones went into my ears. I pressed play on Miranavator's Spotify playlist. I grabbed two towels and sprayed one with disinfectant before picking a treadmill. Then I turned on TBS so I could watch FRIENDS on mute with captions.

As Monica delivered the worst speech ever at her parents' 35th-anniversary party, I began to feel the smooth, shiny scars on my heart. I noticed they were there. In the past, those scars created physical hurdles I couldn't overcome. So I acknowledged them. I acknowledged my calve cramps. I acknowledged my jelly thighs. And I kept running. Today those scars are what helped me to overcome my physical pain. Those scars will continue to heal and running may be one way to help those scars fade. Here's to week seven.

1 Big Sister + 1 Big Brother = Big's Day (aka Nephew Bonding)

Blueberry ice cream

I have two nephews. This is of my older nephew, E. He just turned four on February 14th, Valentine's Day. Yesterday E turned in his birthday coupon for a Big's Day.

One of my auntie goals is to create experiential ways for us to bond. Since I'm the big sister in my family and he's the big brother in his, I thought of the concept of Big's Day. Small simple days with just of the two of us to have some quality time to bond over being the oldest child in our families.

Yesterday E turned in his birthday coupon for a Big's Day. He has shown a love of art lately and I gifted him a painting pottery session for his birthday. We visited the local pottery painting shop at the mall. Neither of us had been had this experience before. As we entered, we were guided to a table and then told to choose our object to paint. If you haven't visited one of these shops before, there is an insane variety of objects you can decorate. It can even be a bit overwhelming. From fire trucks to frogs to plates. From olive oil bottles to butterflies to bowls. E chose an ice cream cone to adorn with five delicious colors of glaze.

A brilliant Big's Day 

The shop assistant told him he before painting, we had to wash the cone with a sponge to remove the dust. After this direction, we were told we needed to add three coats of glaze to obtain a strong color after his ice cream was fired in the kiln. As E and I worked together through the pottery painting process, I was reminded of how cultivating my auntie relationship with him has some similarities.

I recently moved closer to home. Closer to my family. Initially, I felt a bit distant from him since we only really knew one another from time together during vacations and connecting weekly during a FaceTime chat. But like the process of glazing, where you add layers of paint to enrich your pottery item, we too can achieve this beauty. Each time we visit the local playground, learn about nature center animals, visit the zoo and paint pottery, we too are creating stronger bonds. Just like E's ice cream cone will be more brilliant from adding the required three layers of glaze, our relationship will too have greater depth and strength each Big's Day celebration. I'm looking forward to tasting these vibrant bonds.