Today Just Feels Weird

Today feels weird. I am experiencing the roller coaster of emotions that we all are, but today for feels weirder than the past few days have. 

I've tried to keep a good self-care routine this week. Each morning I meditate for about 30 minutes. Then I journal for a while afterward. It's about an hour I spend starting each day slowly and checking in with myself. Today I felt optimistic until I opened my window blind.

Northern Illinois was coated in fog. In movies and books, when there's fog, it sets a creepy atmosphere or unsettling tone. With the virus news, the fog became an emotional pull this morning. It made me feel a little bit more exposed even though we were coated in clouds.

As the day went on, my feelings of vulnerability increased...

• A trip to the allergist was my first medical encounter at an elevated level. I've had other appointments and been asked if the usual series of questions, but today I read a sign on the door that I needed to call to enter the building. 

Waiting

They explained the new procedure to me, which included waiting in my car until I was called and that one patient would be allowed to enter at a time. I was greeted at the door by the nurse, who was wearing a mask, gloves, and other protective clothing. She took my temperature. After receiving my shots, I had to return to my car to wait for the standard 20 minutes so she could check for any allergic reaction.

• On the way home, I stopped by my bank. Right now, you can only drive-thru. You must make an appointment to have any transactions that require more than can be handled from your car.

• As I picked up lunch from Panera, I accidentally touched the drive-thru employee's hand. After we brushed fingers, I noticed each of our eyes widened by the surprise touch, and then we exchanged awkwardly smiles. We each wished one another a good day, but I wondered if she felt the same way I did, a little too exposed. 

• When I checked in on friends and family today, others were feeling the weirdness too. Being a former international teacher means I have teacher friends and colleagues scattered across the world. Today one friend, who's been facilitating distance learning for his school located in Shanghai, China for the past seven weeks, was told that his school might lay off teachers in June due to low enrollment for the following school year. Another friend is stuck in Saudi Arabia as she's not allowed to leave the country for her spring break, but she's looking forward to learning more ukelele songs via YouTube. My sister, who's a high school Spanish teacher, made her first trip to Target in a week and had some anxiety before entering the store.

Maybe it was the fog. Maybe it's just the day. Maybe it's just more getting used to the changes, but with them happening daily, it can feel like a lot. Today it did. And as I write this, I feel okay, not worried, not fearful or anxious, just weird.