This morning I woke up with a bad case of homesickness. I desperately wanted to call my family and friends and say, "I'm homesick. Let's go to breakfast or meet up later for dinner." I wanted it to be easy, to just be myself with people who love me.
But right now it's not that easy. See I'm the new kid. Each interaction I have with people in Prague feels pressured. I feel as though I have to be my best self each and every time.
A million questions and judgements flurry through my mind while I'm with others.
"Do they like me?"
"Why did I tell that story? I should have shared this one instead."
"Be open-minded. Take the time to listen."
"Why are you worrying about this when there are people with such 'bigger' things going on in their lives?"
And while all of this scurries across my conscious, another part of my mind desperately shouts, "Stop this. Just be you! They'll like you."
This stage of feeling awkward and the wash of blue feelings will pass. What I need to do until it does is keep accepting the invitations here and just enjoy getting to know others. I need to reconnect with faraway friends and family to strengthen my sense of self. And lastly treat myself with kindness. That all sounds good but maybe for today, I just need to watch another episode of "Orange is the New Black," and go to bed early. Those are things I think I can do.