English Burst my Language Bubble: A Repatriation Poem

Bom dia.

Namaste.

Ahoj.

Hello.

For two years, I floated in Portuguese.

Tudo bom? (How are you?)

Tudo bem. (I'm good.)

Each morning 

when I entered my school campus in Brazil, 

the security guards and I 

exchanged these smiley greetings.

For four years, I zoomed around India.

Bus. (Stop.)

Bus. Bus! (Stop right now because this is the shop I want to visit.)

Each day 

as I buzzed 

around Mumbai in a rickshaw, 

I knew I needed to lean forward 

so I could see out and tell

the rickshaw driver 

to stop as he approached my destination.

For four years, I dined in Prague.

Dobrou chut' (Enjoy your meal.)

Na zdraví. (Cheers.)

Each day

as I ate lunch 

or enjoyed a Friday Happy Hour with my friends,

we wished each other well

as we shared food and time

together.

Outside these small moments,

I lived in a bubble.

Understanding some.

Using the Google Translate app on my phone.

Reading labels.

Making guesses.

Language became background noise

when I didn't have enough.

I lived in an English language bubble.

Choosing when it formed.

Choosing when I popped it.

Six months ago, 

English burst my language bubble.

My return to Chicago

popped it.

Some days, I hear

the everyday conversations 

of families at the grocery store

about which aisle contains 

an ingredient for tonight's dinner.

These are the moments living 

outside the bubble 

guides joy into my heart.

Some days I hear

families in disagreement

over big topics.

Or I turn on the car radio 

where I'm greeted by 

the weekend's violence.

These are the moments living

outside the bubble

my head feels overwhelmed.

My language bubble

wasn't made of gum so

I can't blow one again.

Instead, it was like a soap 

bubble floating into

the air.

My language bubble burst.

Ahoy! Language Lessons

Learning a foreign language has never come easy for me. I tried, with a bit of effort, to learn Spanish and Portuguese. When I actually put effort into studying them, my reading and writing abilities were average. My listening abilities were pretty mediocre too.

First Portuguese class at EAB. Moro no India.

A photo posted by Megan Looney (@meganlooney05) on Jun 22, 2012 at 9:24am PDT

Oh and my speaking proficiency? That fell into a completely different category. It was awful. Why? Easy answer. Mostly because I loathe speaking another language.

Whether in the past or in the present, my perfectionistic side speaks loudly and criticizes my abilities when I make an attempt to utter a word or phrase.

I'm transported back to my freshman year in college. My Spanish professor only spoke Spanish. Shocker I know; but from what I recall he refused to speak any English. I'd use the most strategic means I could think of to evade answering his questions. Avoid any and all eye contact with him. Shockingly, that strategy didn't work and he'd call on me. Even when I would ask in Spanish for help with a particular word or phrase, "¿Cómo se dice____?" He'd refuse. Now I'm not saying having high expectations aren't appropriate for students or that I disagree with the belief that "we learn best when we're outside our comfort zone" but I was in agony. I wanted to slide down off my navy blue college desk/chair combo onto the floor and cower under my desk until this moment in the spotlight vanished. Needless to say my frustration and anxiety caused me to drop that class and Spanish.

Moving to the Czech Republic, I know I need to learn Czech for a few reasons.

First the practical. I've read it's helpful. As in most countries, some people speak English and others don't. Also, as in most countries, people there appreciate it when someone puts forth an effort to try and speak the local language. Both of these are shocking statements I know. Please sense the sarcasm.

The second reason? It's personal. No more excuses. No more hiding behind sweaty palms and a frozen tongue. I'm determine to learn Czech.

Since I was bound and stupid determined, I began to research some options. I wanted to find something that would play to my strengths, by choosing a program that included visuals while at the same time providing me the needed listening and speaking practice I loathed needed.

So this week, as I rode in the car to and from school, I started studying.  This morning while out to breakfast with a friend, she asked me what phrases I knew. This impromptu quiz brought out those feelings of not being good enough or smart enough (insert Stuart Smalley mirror image here) but I told her the phrases I did remember. They were fewer than yesterday but still some stuck. And much more importantly, I said them aloud to someone other than my driver, who doesn't speak English, who hears me practicing all the time.

So "Ahoy" or "hello" to this new learning and starting to let go of the past.

My commute today has some new Czech stats: 2 lessons, 5 (maybe 6) confident phrases. Long way to go but I'm starting. #Czech #india #language #prague #megscode

A photo posted by Megan Looney (@meganlooney05) on Feb 12, 2015 at 3:34am PST