Heartbreak Has Somehow Made Me Into a Runner

Somehow over the past six weeks, I've become a runner. When I say become a runner, I mean I run three times a week because that's what my Couch to 5K running app says I should do. Today I completed training week six. Today hurt. My calves were cramped. My thighs felt like jelly each time my foot struck the treadmill. Regardless of the discomfort, I was determined to complete week six.

My running commitment stems from wanting to put a bad breakup behind me. Last time I was training for a 5K race, my heart was broken. This heartbreak shredded my desire to run. At the time, I couldn't do much at all, let alone run.

As athletes know, actually let me change that, everyone who's breathing understands, our heads can be our highest obstacle to overcome. Not the blisters. Not the thigh chafing, but our minds. Grief. Depression. Anxiety. Worries. Doubt. Fear. To name a few capitalized hurdles, move into our paths.

When I started running again six weeks ago, I knew it would be challenging. This week was the most challenging so far for a couple of reasons. The first is obvious. There are just longer periods of time you have to run. The second was my mind. The last time I trained for a 5K, I quit after week five because that's when my heart was broken.

I procrastinated in actually going to the YMCA to complete today's session, but eventually, I was in the car and on my way there. As I walked into the fitness room, I followed my usual routine. Over the years I've noticed following routines help me to feel at peace. Having this calm headspace would prepare me for today's longer distance. Thus, my headphones went into my ears. I pressed play on Miranavator's Spotify playlist. I grabbed two towels and sprayed one with disinfectant before picking a treadmill. Then I turned on TBS so I could watch FRIENDS on mute with captions.

As Monica delivered the worst speech ever at her parents' 35th-anniversary party, I began to feel the smooth, shiny scars on my heart. I noticed they were there. In the past, those scars created physical hurdles I couldn't overcome. So I acknowledged them. I acknowledged my calve cramps. I acknowledged my jelly thighs. And I kept running. Today those scars are what helped me to overcome my physical pain. Those scars will continue to heal and running may be one way to help those scars fade. Here's to week seven.

1 Big Sister + 1 Big Brother = Big's Day (aka Nephew Bonding)

Blueberry ice cream

I have two nephews. This is of my older nephew, E. He just turned four on February 14th, Valentine's Day. Yesterday E turned in his birthday coupon for a Big's Day.

One of my auntie goals is to create experiential ways for us to bond. Since I'm the big sister in my family and he's the big brother in his, I thought of the concept of Big's Day. Small simple days with just of the two of us to have some quality time to bond over being the oldest child in our families.

Yesterday E turned in his birthday coupon for a Big's Day. He has shown a love of art lately and I gifted him a painting pottery session for his birthday. We visited the local pottery painting shop at the mall. Neither of us had been had this experience before. As we entered, we were guided to a table and then told to choose our object to paint. If you haven't visited one of these shops before, there is an insane variety of objects you can decorate. It can even be a bit overwhelming. From fire trucks to frogs to plates. From olive oil bottles to butterflies to bowls. E chose an ice cream cone to adorn with five delicious colors of glaze.

A brilliant Big's Day 

The shop assistant told him he before painting, we had to wash the cone with a sponge to remove the dust. After this direction, we were told we needed to add three coats of glaze to obtain a strong color after his ice cream was fired in the kiln. As E and I worked together through the pottery painting process, I was reminded of how cultivating my auntie relationship with him has some similarities.

I recently moved closer to home. Closer to my family. Initially, I felt a bit distant from him since we only really knew one another from time together during vacations and connecting weekly during a FaceTime chat. But like the process of glazing, where you add layers of paint to enrich your pottery item, we too can achieve this beauty. Each time we visit the local playground, learn about nature center animals, visit the zoo and paint pottery, we too are creating stronger bonds. Just like E's ice cream cone will be more brilliant from adding the required three layers of glaze, our relationship will too have greater depth and strength each Big's Day celebration. I'm looking forward to tasting these vibrant bonds.

My New Tattoo

On my left cheekbone, just below the corner of my eye is an tattoo which I hadn't noticed till it was there this week.

It's in the shape of a heart.

In actuality, it's an age spot.

A tattoo of sunshine and years.

A tattoo of oceans and pools and lounging in the sunshine while sitting with friends.

A tattoo of AYSO soccer games and orange wedges on Saturday mornings.

A tattoo that I've earned by living 39 years.

Of all the random shapes this tattoo chose to be, I don't think a more perfect shape could have appeared. A heart.

As I observe college and high school friends embrace their 40th year on Facebook, I've been noticing the love that surrounds them. I notice they are celebrated by people they love. I noticed they're posting more photos from those celebrations than any other year. I notice they're embracing our age and the tattoos that go along with it. Strong self love.

I'm going to make a declaration so when I, in rare moments, freak out about turning 40 in a few weeks, I'm reminded of the grace and honesty that comes with aging. I'm embracing my age and the tattoos and wrinkles and all that go along with it because as cliche as it sounds, age is just a number.

Thank you to my strong women who are doing the same this year or who I've celebrated previously. It's your love of yourselves and embracing our age that remind me even our funky shaped age spots are something really wonderful.

Note to readers: Rereading this while taking a break from grad school just shows how completely obvious it is that I'm on vacation from school for a week. Time to appreciate the small stuff AND actually write about it.

It's Okay Not to Be the Tough Girl

Yesterday when I arrived home from school, as I do each day, I changed out of my teacher clothes into sweats. I slide my toes into my cozy moccasin slippers and walked into my living room. As soon as I sat on the couch, I heard a loud "thud." Something had fallen onto the floor. Since the handyman had hung artwork the previous day, I assumed it must have been on the walls. I scanned them first. Nothing.

I stood up and realized one of my funky side table legs was on the floor. It had fallen off.  I love this side table and its quirkiness. I love the carpenter who designed it because he saw tree branches and their uniqueness and incorporated those into his art. These little nuances can make the table a little temperamental and vulnerable at times (aka, the legs have been known to fall off) but I love it a little more for those traits.

Post repair. This time the right front leg (closest to the camera position )fell off.

Despite the table's vulnerabilities, this table is strong. After loosing a leg, my table still stood supporting a heavy copper lamp, votive holder and even my half full glass of water. Not even slight wobble but obviously in need a little tlc.

As I sat on the floor to reattach the fourth leg, I realized that the table was a metaphor for me. I was my quirky 3-legged side table. I could still support lots of weight. I could still function but I needed some tlc too.

Each leg has a specific way it fits into the top. If they weren't so tricky, I'd flip the table over for a better view but today that seems like a little too much work.

Over the weekend, I unfortunately was in a bus accident. A pedestrian ran out in front of the bus I was riding. The bus driver slammed on the brakes to avoid them. This caused me and other passengers to be thrown from our seats. Thankfully my injuries are contusions. Thankfully I was with friends on the bus and they went along with me to the hospital. Thankfully they are also okay. I have contusions on my head, face and shoulder. I have typical aches and pains and bruises all over my body from being in an accident. Exhaustion from a late hospital night and from my body trying to heal.

Saturday I stayed home, rested and slept. Sunday I also took it easy. One brief lunch outting to test my strength, some massive lesson planning and assisting the handyman. That wasn't too much.  I was okay or so I told myself that I was.

Yesterday when I woke up, I was more exhausted than I'd been Sunday evening. I figured I'd pushed myself too hard on Sunday. Despite a tiny voice in the back of my head saying, "Are you sure you should go?" I went to school. I thought I was strong enough and being back into the normal routines would be just what I needed. Shortly after I arrived, I realized I'd made the wrong decision. The advice from family and friends both near and far, was right. I was going too fast. I was still standing, just like my table; trying to awkwardly balance, shouldering too much weight, pretending everything was fine.

After the accident, new friends and colleagues here in Prague reached out to support me here. Phone calls, visits, text messages. All with offers of help. How many did I accept? None. I said no to everyone. I said that I was okay and didn't need anything which I thought was true. I had food. I was resting. I was taking Ibuprofen. What else did I need? When I wasn't in the comfort of my home though, that's when I realized I should come home to get some more rest. I also realized I needed to accept the offers of help. Maybe the accident was impacting me more than I thought? Maybe I needed a little tlc? The table could stand on 3 legs and I could stand after the accident, but why should I struggle alone?

I'm learning that I have a need to appear independent. That I think it's weak to ask for help in my life outside of school unless it's for things like restaurant recommendations or where to buy ice cube trays. I need to be the tough girl. Especially when I'm a new member of a community.

What this accident has taught me is that it's not just okay, but it's good to be vulnerable. People want to help. It's okay to show your weaknesses to others because we all have them.

It's good to ask for help when it's offered; be it soup or company or a laugh, because even if you think you didn't need it, you probably do.

I need to be more open to ask and receive help. I need to accept the tlc just like my little quirky table does when one of its leg falls off. It's okay not be the tough girl because what you receive from others will make you stronger than you could have ever been without. It also sometimes involves amazing arnica cream, flowers and chocolate too.

Flowers and great company from a friend.

Being the New Kid

This morning I woke up with a bad case of homesickness. I desperately wanted to call my family and friends and say, "I'm homesick. Let's go to breakfast or meet up later for dinner." I wanted it to be easy, to just be myself with people who love me.

But right now it's not that easy. See I'm the new kid. Each interaction I have with people in Prague feels pressured. I feel as though I have to be my best self each and every time.  

A million questions and judgements flurry through my mind while I'm with others. 

"Do they like me?"

"Why did I tell that story? I should have shared this one instead."

"Be open-minded. Take the time to listen."

"Why are you worrying about this when there are people with such 'bigger' things going on in their lives?"

And while all of this scurries across my conscious, another part of my mind desperately shouts, "Stop this. Just be you! They'll like you." 

This stage of feeling awkward and the wash of blue feelings will pass. What I need to do until it does is keep accepting the invitations here and just enjoy getting to know others. I need to reconnect with faraway friends and family to strengthen my sense of self.  And lastly treat myself with kindness.  That all sounds good but maybe for today, I just need to watch another episode of "Orange is the New Black," and go to bed early. Those are things I think I can do.

My New Home

I realized today while chatting with a friend who was sharing photos of their new home, that I had yet to provide the "grand tour" of my new apartment.

I decided to play with an app that's new to me to do this. It's called Photoshere and it helps to capture a 360º view.

*Disclaimer, The photos aren't perfectly aligned but feel like they give a good impression overall. 

There's more to do around the apartment, like hanging artwork, but definitely feeling settled in my new home. Without further ado, here's a little peek at my new place.

For those that need them, a few Photosphere tips:

• To use the 360º view, click on one of the images below and you can use your trackpad to explore.
• You can zoom in/out as well as look at all sides from the ceiling to the floor. 
• You can also click on the blue "view on Google maps" to open the link if that's easier for you. 

The hallway & entry

Views: Prague, Czech Republic by Megan Looney

Living room

Views: Prague, Czech Republic by Megan Looney

Kitchen

Views: Prague, Czech Republic by Megan Looney

My bedroom

Views: Mountain View, CA by

Second bedroom (aka laundry room for now)

Views: Prague, Czech Republic by Megan Looney

Stats

Most of my first week in Prague updates have been on Instagram (link here if you wanna see different photos or to follow me). Based on feedback there, this post is framed in the same manner. It's organization and info is little different than my typical post.

A few stats from my first week in Praha...

17,040 steps on average/day
Coming from Mumbai where I rode everywhere and considering this isn't a workout, I feel great about my daily step average. Using public transport, preparing for my apartment move and doing a bit of sightseeing encourages a lot of steps. Before I moved to Prague, I was curious about how living here would impact my daily movement so I joined the fitness tracker club (mine's a Garmin) and do feel that sense of satisfaction others raved of when I walk more than the previous day. I'm loving the ease of getting around here. It's one of the reasons Prague felt like it would be a good fit for me.

Gotta love Google maps & easy navigable public transport

Bus station timetables are posted and easy to read

Glad I've got comfy shoes for these streets.

3+1 = my apartment
In Prague apartments are rented and sold by the number of rooms. My new apartment is a 3+1 which means 2 bedrooms, 1 living room and a separate kitchen. When you read the apartment ads it's like a new code with things like 2+kk, 2+1, etc. I found a great place for me. Great neighborhood, rigth across from a large park with a beer garden, close to public transport and a farmer's market. Inside it has some old charm, great lighting and a modern kitchen. I'll get the keys later today and share pics soon.

By apartment building's door

My new street with some cloudy skies

??? liters of pivo
That's how beer is ordered in the Czech Republic, so don't think I'm suddenly drinking the whole day away. The Pilsner's cold and delicious. It's also cheap! It's only about 80 cents (USD) for half a liter. It doesn't fill you up (no carbonation) and is the perfect thing to have at the end of the day while catching up with new friends and colleagues.

Beer and bowling at my hotel

1 Free Tour
Since this is my first time here, I had to play tourist for a day. I took a advantage of a 3-hour free tour. It's organized by a company who's guides wages are based on tips. It was a great way to see some of the city and get oriented. I didn't go photo crazy either during the tour nor with my sharing here, just took some of those things I found interesting and/or beautiful.

Church of Saint Ludmilla

David Cerny's UnUtero; A pregnant woman who's womb you can climb into

The medieval astronomical clock at Old Town Hall

Old Town Square

20 tourists
I'd read and heard that sunrise and sunset over the Charles Bridge are the best times to visit. I had tried mid-day earlier this week and hated the crowds so decided to get up early yesterday and try it out. Now sunrise here is at 5:27 am with it being summer, so I didn't arise that early but made it to the bridge by 7:30 and at the most I only saw about 20 tourists. The peace made the area even more enchanting.

A gate to enter Charles Bridge

A bride out early taking some photos on the bridge

Canal in the Castle district

John Lennon wall

A few love locks on a canal bridge

View of the castle and Charles Bridge and this is just my iPhone not a postcard I swear!

??? cafe au lait
Cafe culture is big in Prague and I've had the caffeine to prove it.

Complimentary cookie and Sudoku at Cafe Lounge

13:00 - 17:00
Tomorrow IKEA will deliver my sofa, dishes, glasses and a couple of pillows. It's a sleeper sofa for those who are wondering...

It's crazy how easy shopping can be sometimes

Shopping for the "needs" like storage under tiny sinks

So not my typical post, in format or content, but thought I'd share a few more stats and some photos from my first week in my new home city.